“I wish I knew better then…” has this thought ever been yours? You can avoid or reduce this for your child.

You want your child to make better decisions? Teach them the process of Critical thinking – a 21^st century skill.

As parents, we want our children to make good decisions. We want them to know right from wrong. We want them to think through the consequences of making their decisions when we are not around them. When they are adolescents and teenagers with choices abound. We want them to be adults with critical thinking skills. That world where in today’s children will become adults would be very different from our own. You would want to equip them for it. As their parent and as their all-time educator and role model, this is one of our key responsibilities. It is essential for problem solving and has been clearly recognised as a  necessary 21^st century skill.

Every day we make many decisions. Some days it’s a calm sea with small decisions to make while some days it is an avalanche. All decisions have consequences. Small ones with short term consequences while big ones that would have long term impact on our and our loved ones’ lives. We know that it is impossible to make the right choices or the perfect decision with a fantastic outcome every time. However, there are processes that can help us to make right or almost right ones more often than those that are partially wrong or completely wrong. Critical thinking allows us to carefully deconstruct a problem or a situation, reveal its hidden issues like biases and manipulations, allowing us to make the best decision under the circumstances.

What exactly is critical thinking? Critical – does sound negative. That is because it is not about a choice one makes because it just feels right. It is to scrutinise. It is to approach with skepticism. For all available options. Think for a moment, how do you make your difficult decisions?  The toughest ones that have the maximum impact in your life. Most of us do a pro/con list, in our minds or in a note that we physically write down. Some of us rely on gut feel. What other method do you have to help you through the decision making process?

Here are the 5 steps of the critical thinking process that you may want to work through with your child and role model it alongside to make it a habit to fall back on when at crossroads. Practice them yourself to manage your own anxiety while you are making decisions. Remember, you set the tone in the family. Also that, most people (young or old) do not want advice. They just want a trusted sounding board. You don’t have to fix it/solve it/do it. You have to listen, role model and create a clearly visible structure around your thoughts and actions.

1. Formulate your question.

Know what you are looking for. This will help you look through some immediate attention grabbers that are obscuring your objective that you want to achieve from the situation like biases and manipulations. This is equally applicable whether it is a habit like a diet choice, a purchase decision while shopping or even a response to a conversation in a relationship.

2. Gather information.

There’s so much out there on the internet, in the books, with experts and user testimonies on the matter. A diverse range of sources to gather the same information will give you different perspectives and you’d be able to formulate your own – since you know your situation best and – you have done step no. 1. You have a clear and well defined goal/objective to be achieved in mind. 

3. Apply the information.

What concepts are at play, what assumptions are you making based on that, what is your interpretation and if those interpretation is logically sound (not emotionally appealing only) This can be done by trying scenario planning. This is much more involved way of deciding than making a straight forward pro/con list. Little stories of how do you think it will play out if in the story (situation) 1. It gets better 2. It gets worse 3. It gets weird. e.g. Going through an assignment/project work – what actions will make it better, what actions will make it worse and what will make it say – better for you and worse for your partner. This can be applied in life situations in adult hood as well.

4. Consider the implications.

Immediate and long term. Some immediate ones will make sense long term as well but many immediate ones will not pan out well for yourself/your family/your country/your environment – anything that you care for, long term. This can be done by writing a pre-mortem. So, write the implications of the decision as a devil’s advocate. i.e. Everything that can go wrong. Why it will fail? What are the possible blind spots? What is giving you the false sense of confidence of your success or the promise some person/some institution/some political party is making?

5. Explore other points of view.

Views that are divergent from yours. Those that are opposite to what you have concluded. Why are some/many people drawn to that action/conclusion/decision. Even if you disagree with it all. Exploring all viewpoints comes in useful at various points in life whether at work or friendships or even within family. Ask a diverse array of people. Homogeneity drives group think. You start existing in what is called your echo-chamber. Asking people outside of your age/gender/profession not only gets you to explore alternatives, it helps you to evaluate your own choices. It would help you making a more informed decision at that point in time.

This process of using critical thinking skills would not eradicate the possibilities of making difficult or wrong decisions. It would however ,definitely give you and thus by osmosis – your child, the tool to make more thoughtful and more positive decisions to live with.  Lesser number of decisions of not having thought through or just “I wish I knew better” as the reason of regret.

So here are your 5 steps to making a thought-through decision:

1. Formulate your question.
2. Gather information.
3. Apply the information.
4. Consider the implications.
5. Explore other points of view.

This is  fairly simple and quite comprehensive method of critical thinking process. Keep them handy for yourself and pass them on to your children. Often enough, when at critical crossroads, in absence of a structure, we jump to conclusions. Regretfully.

Hope this has been helpful. Give it a try and follow this series of Ask Niv on my blog for more on parenting tips. You can subscribe to my blogs to receive an update by email also right here.