Independence by Grit

Posted on 13 Aug 2017 by

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Give the gift of GRIT to your child this year on Independence Day.

For our generation it is an accepted socio-cultural norm to live one’s lives on other people’s terms and expectations of us, primarily our parents. Many of us continue to perpetuate this because it’s the only worldview we have been taught. However, we all quite understand that our children, most of them millennials, are growing up in a world that is encountering paradigms  significantly different than ours. New career options, new technologies, new ways of communication. Its a whole new world order reflected in news media, sci-fi movies and popular television serials like Stranger Things, Orphan Black, Sense8 etc.  A world with a perspective that we cannot possibly prepare our children for with our own set of knowledge and skills. What we can instead do is work on the third aspect of this holy trinity of survival kit – attitude.

This Independence Day, let us  offer the gift of GRIT to our children. Falling, as you know by now, is not the issue. We fell. They will fall too. It is the attitude of rising from falls that needs passion and perseverance. A combination of these two attitudes make what we now understand as Grit.

Psychologist Angela Duckworth, recipient of the prestigious MacArthur Fellowship, also known as the “Genius Grant”,  in her book, Grit: The power of passion and perseverance (and her immensely popular Ted Talk) explains why Grit is important and what is its correlation with success.

Grit, gives us the motivation to achieve our objectives through persistent effort. It is essential to accomplish anything of significance. It is also one big factor that makes your child independent of circumstances that s/he encounters throughout life. Grit is something that can be nurtured and grown within oneself. It’s that lifelong gift which becomes the source of power with consistent use.

We don’t always get to see anything beyond the end result. Both, of failure and success. For most struggles are endured alone or behind closed doors and not shared. Think of it, how often have our parents discussed their struggles with us? If they have discussed the difficulties or struggles, did they also share along the way which strategies were used? Which ones failed and which ones were useful and why?  What kind of energy and effort was needed to come out of it? Where did they muster that Grit from? Which matters they persevered and which ones they gave up and why? What about you? How often do you share your challenges and your strategies to overcome them with your growing and even grown up children? Or with your spouse ? Most of the time, the struggles and the strategies are in one’s mind and heart. Are you ‘giving up’ or ‘holding up’ – using your attitude of Grit.

How does one harness Grit? What does it entail? How can you possibly “gift” Grit when it is so intrinsic whilst gift implies something completely extrinsic. That is where the significance of parenting comes in.

Parenting is a verb. It is a role performed. It can be for your biological child, for your adopted child, for your neighbour or relative’s child, for your student and so on. Any adult who interacts with a child performs some aspect of the parenting role. For those of us who do that on a daily basis, here are a few pointers to gifting our children with Grit.

Passion: the first half of Grit

How does one define it? How does one find it? One thing must be clear, passion is to be understood not in the granularity but in the big picture. It can’t just be temporary excitement. Nor does it have to be a thing that you love every component of. It’s a combination of deep interest and meaning.

How do you live it and share it with your child?

-If you are into sports, share with your child the passion of your sport and the fact that you may not like the fact of getting up 5 am in the morning to practice or prepare your body. But you do it for you like the big picture of what sports means for you.

-If you are a teacher, share with your child your passion and satisfaction you get of sharing knowledge and mentoring young minds. Also share the fact that you may not like doing some of the drudgery that comes along with it, like filling up lesson plans or administrative documentation, assessments or difficult parent teacher meetings. Yet the impact your teaching has on young minds, helping shape lives – is what you look forward to.

-If you are into music, share with your child the passion you have and what music means to you. Share the tedious practice you underwent or are still undergoing over several years. That oftentimes you were possibly at the brink of giving up but continued nevertheless as you had the eye on the big picture.

You can draw this out for any profession/entrepreneurship. Each of it has a big portion that can come under drudgery or routine or preparation, which comes attached for completing the big picture.

Amitabh Bachchan, the iconic actor comes to my mind as an epitome of the combination of passion and perseverance – Grit! His journey from voice narrator in Mrinal Sen’s Bhuvan Shome to supporting actor in Anand and angry young man in Zanjeer to the iconic Deewar. Sholay released on 15th August, 1975 and the rest is history. Or is it? We know the successful ones and we also know that most of his early films did very badly. Fatal injury and recovery during shooting of Coolie in Bangalore. The Bofors scandal followed by financial crisis, ABCL debacle to the point where his home nearly got auctioned. He went on to working on his comeback and how! From what became the household lexicon of “lock kar diya jaye?” in KBC TV series and many a Film awards and honorary doctorates, books, temples and memorials later to the current celluloid success of Paa, Piku and Pink.

Perseverance: the second half of Grit

When reality falls short of expectations. Many of us give up because we don’t fully realize what it takes. The mind set of perseverance is about seeing failure differently. How to use failure as a tool rather than a hindrance? How does one be honest with self and consider the pain of defeat before accepting that it’s worth enduring towards the goal one has set out to achieve.

How do you live it and share it with your child?

The story of the Three little Pigs is read out to all children at some point in time of growing up, in school or at home. Hard work pays off – is a well-known adage that is sermonised ever so often in parenting and teaching. For a good reason! It surely must have been difficult for the third pig to persevere even after his other brothers built their homes of straw and sticks with very little time and effort, isn’t it? The third pig however knew it was worth enduring all the hassle and drudgery for the matter of long term safety. All the brothers did have the knowledge that there was a big-bad wolf out there. They all had the skill to bring a strong house. Whereas only the third pig had the Attitude.

  • Share your story of persevering for the long term safety, joy, success in the face of difficulty, hardship and failures with your child.
  • Share how you have saved and invested even when you wanted to spend, it will teach them delayed gratification and how it works towards financial independence.
  • Share with your child how you got up and went to work every day because you thought what you were doing is important and significant as contribution to family and work.
  • Share with your child your trysts and tribulations during your years of education and skill acquisition and how you went through with the right attitude  as you considered these were key requirements for success in any domain.

Grit is an attitude which can be acquired and honed. Continue to build yours along with your child and find success in your parenting goals. We all have our own ideas of success, and the word itself isn’t worth generalising. To me, it correlates with time invested.

Meaningful success takes a long time, and the longer it takes, the more opportunities arise for failure and disinterest. Grit plays the role of the discipline of a recurring deposit or systemic investment plan – if you will, for long term gains. Of course, time alone doesn’t drive progress. Feedback, along with deliberate and effective practice, are needed, too.

Benjamin Jones and Bruce Weinberg published a paper, Age dynamics in scientific creativity, in which they analyzed 525 Nobel prizes awarded between 1900 and 2008. The  study was to  see if there was a link between age and when important discoveries were made. They found that with a few exceptions, all winners produced their greatest work well past the age of 30.

It’s easy to say you need passion and perseverance to succeed, but it’s also important to know what these two entail. If your child is young, you have a high degree of control on your child. As the child grows, while your control decreases, your influence starts to show.  If you want your child to show Grit in their attitude, start early by sharing your personal stories of Grit. Your efforts to come out of loss and grief. Of reinventing after job loss. Of getting out of your comfort zone and staying there until you were enjoying it. The pictures here give a glimpse into mine as I cycled through a high altitude terrain of Ladakh with a bunch of my teenage students.  At the time I was 50year old with a fairly sedentary lifestyle.

So the next time you grit your teeth and continue with effective and involved parenting which by all means is tedious – know that you are showing Grit for the long term success of your child. All the best to us on living and gifting Grit.  Do share your thoughts and stories of your Grit.

Happy Independence Day!

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5 effective and time tested ideas for motivating your child

Posted on 9 Apr 2017 by

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5 effective and time tested ideas for motivating your Child.

“You can steer yourself any direction you choose”. – Dr. Suess.  His book Oh, the places You’ll go? has been one of the most popular choices as the graduation gift for the preschool children over the years. The intention is to reinforce the belief that children are naturally endowed with curiosity and the capability to work on their curiosity. Children believe that they can do everything! They always imagine what they want in great zest and detail. It is up to us as adults – both parents and teachers to not shake off that belief as we are the biggest influencers around them. A big responsibility that, isn’t it?

What drives children to do things that they should and stop what they shouldn’t? As adults, we know that how we respond to what is happening around us is always up to us. We are in control of our responses with the deeper understanding of the fact that whatever is happening around us, to us, with us, may not be under our control at all times. What we do is take control of our actions in a given situation. Once that is done, we can increase our circle of influence to situations or people around us. There would still remain a wider area, that would always be outside of our control but will influence our wellbeing. How can we instil that attitude of optimism and grit? How can we exemplify that to our children?

Kids have a strong sense of connection with parents and that is a very powerful tool for motivation. Studies have shown that children who feel secure in their attachment to their parents are more resilient. It is known now that character strengths like curiosity and self-control are teachable skills.

How shall we invest in their character? Here are 5 effective and time tested ideas for your consideration:

  1. Rewards and consequences
    1. It is true that rewards can sometimes be useful in getting things done in the short term. This works in organised sports. However, it is also true that when this is applied to manage behaviour, your child will become dependent on rewards. Consequently, when the reward stops, the behaviour stops. When the reward is not good enough, the behaviour is also not good enough. The benchmark of the quality and quantity of the reward will continuously need to rise higher if reward is used regularly to motivate your child.
    2. Even if the activity you want your child to engage in is intrinsically enjoyable, if your child associates it with extrinsic motivation, the child will stop doing the activity if there is no extrinsic reward as it has been observed that a reward centric method somehow extinguishes the child’s passion.
  2. Conversations
    1. When your child complains about a task at hand, share your thoughts on why you think the activity is useful. If your child is unwilling to clean up the room, understand why – is he/she tired or bored or finds the task too complicated and possibly does not know where to start from. Same goes for homework and any action that is considered as a chore by the child.
    2. Avoid using should or must as part of the instruction. Replace them with could, consider, because, however etcetera and get on the same side of the problem as your child. Work out the solution together.
  3. Understanding
    1. Lace your asks for tasks that are particularly disliked by your child with creativity – like using a puppet or a song during clean-up time.
    2. Use challenge for tasks that you want done quickly, example – racing a sibling home from the park.
    3. Give choice for non-negotiables. Say for dinner time, child can sit either next to you or next to dad. For brushing – it can be before bath or after. You get the drift.
  4. Expectation setting
    1. Set realistic expectations from your child by understanding the actual capabilities and interests while you set the bar. The key word here is “realistic”. For this you need to keep a very open mind. Children blossom at different rates.
    2. Appreciate when some expectations are met or exceeded. For example – if the child has got a B+ after getting C or is practicing regularly for a match or a concert, praise the effort that he/she is putting in.
  5. Role model
    1. This is simple but often forgotten in the pressure of parenting. When you are working and your child needs your attention, instead of saying wait a minute and then take half hour, give realistic time for the wait. If it’s urgent, address it right away. Remember, everything that the child wants you to hear is important. You would want your child respond to you similarly, for example – when you headed to the airport and are waiting for your child to join the group, at that point in time, “just a minute” by your child will mean exactly that.
    2. Show by example how conflicts can be resolved by modelling it yourself. For e.g. when you have differences with your spouse or with anyone that the child can see or hear, be mindful of the tone of your voice, your body language, the approach you are taking for conflict resolution. These are all learned behaviours.
    3. If you want the child to learn their manners, you are the best role model. Starting from using please and thank you to whoever serves you, including your house staff. Also, not using language you don’t approve of for your child, yourselves at any time.

Here are a few suggestions to take your understanding further:

– great list of books to have in your child’s home library.

– check out this ted talk by Rita Pierson. She calls for educators to believe in their students and build connections with them

– a Tedx talk by Jennifer Nacif who tells parents exactly how to motivate your children, by changing your ways from manipulations to motivation.

For years it has been believed that cognitive capabilities are the key drivers of success. However, over the years, research has shown as has my experience of being an educator, that persistence and grit, self-control and optimism are some of the key qualities that help children succeed and remain happy. A strong and positive relationship with parents motivates the child to not only achieve but exceed their own capabilities.

Nivedita Mukerjee is a journalist, educator and parent. She writes about matters that concern a child’s success and well-being. She can be reached at niveditamukerjee10@gmail.com.

A version of this post is also published here:

https://www.parentcircle.com/article/5-proven-ideas-for-motivating-your-child/

 

 

Boosting concentration and memory power in pre-schoolers

Posted on 19 Mar 2017 by

9 Comments

Within their first couple of parent-teacher meetings the preschool teachers repeatedly hear the following concerns, with varying degrees of anxiousness :

“My child can’t sit still for 5 minutes!”

“My child day dreams randomly while doing something and sits at a task unfinished.”

“I can’t seem to get my child to finish even a simple puzzle.”

Does any of the above sound familiar to you?

Here are some ways that you can help your child concentrate better:

  • Consider the challenge level of the work. Sometimes the task is too easy and sometimes too difficult. The level should match the capability and/or instructional range of the child’s age.
  • Try motivating by using sand timers of varying lengths of time as per the task as visual reminder for the task underway. It can become a game later to beat the timer as proficiency and concentration increase. This is a good way of self-monitoring as well.
  • Break up the task into steps to give multiple achievement levels within the overall task as steps. Solving a small portion of the puzzle or colouring one portion of the picture or making a part of a clay model etc.
  • Check for any environmental factor that might contribute to distraction. For e.g. Fan above the head or air-conditioning unit sound, open window to noisy street/moving people, uncomfortable seating, fidgety student (at school) or sibling (at home) next to him/her etc. A change of place might just make it several notches more conducive to focus on task at hand.
  • Peers or buddy system in class might work for assisting and/or encouraging the child to focus and finish the work, especially if it is a collaborative project.
  • Sometimes sitting next to teacher/teaching assistant in the class or parent at home while the parent is doing their own work and role modelling focus on task, works as a visual reminder to stay on task.
  • Sometimes young children find it helpful to talk about what they want to write or do and then do it, as it helps them get clarity as to what they are setting out to do.

You would need to keep re-evaluating the suggestions mentioned and discuss the same with your child’s teacher to figure out what works for your child and in which situation. As your child grows, crossing various milestones in his/her preschool years, the needs and thus the techniques to enhance concentration, would change.

Games and activities that help building capability to concentrate in your child:

For pre-schoolers, there are several simple games and activities that you can engage in with your child at home, to help him/her focus on a given task while having loads of fun. A lot of them are variations of dot to dot activities that build up the attention span while improving the hand-eye coordination and teaching number, colour, pattern etc. Here are a few references for free printables :

http://www.education.com/worksheets/preschool/dot-to-dots/

http://www.preschool-printable-activities.com/dot-to-dot-printables.html

There are YouTube videos that guide you to make your own dot to dot activity sheet like this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rb8Dynf0js

There are some memory games available online for kids like:

http://www.memozor.com/memory-game-online-free/for-kids

http://www.sproutonline.com/games

Many  activity kits  and board games for memory building for young children are available, for example :

http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/memory-games

http://littlebinsforlittlehands.com/10-best-preschool-board-games/

Amongst the concerns that parents of a pre-schooler may have on their child’s attention span, I have often heard parents wondering :

“Is it normal for my child to be bouncing up and down while watching TV?”

“ My child moves on to playing with another toy even as he has taken out something else to play with!”

“My child can’t hold a conversation or a line of thought.”

“Does my child have ADHD?”

While ADHD (Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder) is one of the most common brain-based condition of childhood, all restless ness cannot be labelled as ADHD.

What is ADHD? Before you get worked up, here’s a link for you to know more:

http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd#1

The children with ADHD may not:

  • Be able to filter out unimportant visuals and audio from what is relevant and important to them.
  • Focus for age-appropriate durations without getting distracted.
  • Concentrate on one instruction or activity at a time.
  • Hold a string of thought or a conversation.
  • Follow a task with oral instructions.

The signs of ADHD also change over time. The struggles that a child suffering with ADHD in preschool will go through would be quite different in elementary, middle and high school. You may consider early intervention once you have observed your child carefully, discussed with the child’s teacher, consulted your child’s paediatrician and consulted the learning specialists or specialists like audiologist (for hearing issues), speech pathologist (for speech and language related issues),  neurologist, behavioural paediatrician etc. Observe your child and make notes so that you can share the same with the teacher/s and specialists for better understanding.

As an educator, some activities that I have seen having  positive influence on memory and focus are :

  • Rhymes and poems- with chanting, clapping and movements associated with them.
  • Stories – listening to and sequencing activities associated with stories that keep the child engaged and are great fun to recall, talk about the characters and wonder what could happen if they were one of the characters. This can be done with any of the children’s stories, without any special aids.  The children can draw, make play-dough characters or play dress up. All of which would need the child to stay focussed on the story and it’s various elements.
  • Role playing – if there are other children participating in the story telling-playacting then it is even better as they as give cues to each other for the sequence. In that process, they can all be focussed on the same activity for a fairly long time with each other’s help.
  • Outdoor games, obstacle course, Simon says and I Spy with my little eye.

Each of the above help in the following ways:

  1. Exercise their working memory.
  2. They have to adjust to each other’s imagination.
  3. They have to keep track of and relate to what has happened and what is anticipated.
  4. They have to problem solve – like play two or more characters if there are less members in the game or figure out way through various barriers in the obstacle course indoors/outdoors.
  5. Most of these activities, whether rhyming or navigating obstacles are interactive and multi-step towards achieving completion.

Some of my all-time favourite outdoor games for pre-schoolers can be found here :

http://www.education.com/activity/preschool/outdoor/

You can try including these activities in your everyday routine:

  • Making cookies and chapatti/paratha.

This is an all-time favourite sensorial activity – kneading  dough is fun, messy, works out the muscles of fingers and arms; following a recipe also helps your child  to plan a sequence of actions and possibility to modify when repeated. Opportunities of creativity with different kinds of ingredients to add to cookies and/or stuffing the parathas,  making variations to tweak them to their own and their family/friends suggestions and taste is very good for their emotional and cognitive capabilities. Both of these support development of executive function.

  • Mystery bags/feely bags.

These require specific use of working memory. As you put in familiar objects, whether the child’s toys or everyday items that child is familiar with like cell phone, spectacle case,  toffee etc. and ask the child to feel the objects from outside or by putting the hand inside the bag and guess what they are. It would need the child to use their sensory information of touch to imagine the shape and form of the object to recognise it.

Relationship of aerobic fitness and motor skills with memory and attention in pre-schoolers(Ballabeina): A cross-sectional and longitudinal study done by Iris Niederer, Susi Kriemler, Janine Gut, Tim Hartmann, Christial Schindler, Jerome Barral and Jardena Puder led to  the conclusion that –

“…In young children, higher baseline aerobic fitness and motor skills were related to a better spatial working memory and/or attention at baseline, and to some extent also to their future improvements over the following 9 months.”

Here’s a link to their study.

https://bmcpediatr.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-2431-11-34

Based on their results, they have suggested that exercises involving specific mental processing, including executive functions like reasoning, problem solving, planning etc. which go on to help in managing time and paying attention –  are most suitable to trigger overall cognitive development in young children. They further mention that their data contributes to the emerging field of brain fitness and highlight the importance of a promotion of physical education.

https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/key-executive-functioning-skills-explained

The link above will take you to a list of 8 key executive functions that your child needs in order to organise their time and work. Each of these may be strengthened using various strategies that would help your child organise and act on information received. You can help your child or take him/her to a specialist to learn ways to hone them or work around, if there are issues in this area.

To help your child with improving their working memory, you will find some very useful tips here:

http://learningworksforkids.com/2013/04/5-ways-to-maximize-attention-and-boost-memory/

Choice of appropriate diet is essential in helping your child focus:

High sugar foods set kids up for a mid-morning energy crash. Proteins and complex carbs, that take time to digest, make ideal breakfast combinations not only for adults, but more so for kids whose day might peak with literacy/numeracy – high cognition activity in the mid mornings. Options of oatmeal or upama, eggs and toast/French toast, rava idlis with grated vegetables, dal-dosas, dal and vegetable mixed parathas, nuts and berries, whole wheat bread and cheese or peanut butter and jelly, whole wheat crackers or tortillas with cheese, these coupled with unsweetened juice, chocolate milk, fruit salads with curd are good to keep your child going through the day without the sugar crash and feeling sluggish, lethargic, anxious and distracted.

Include your child in planning for his/her meals from the time you visit the grocery store. Have them help you pick up the fruits and vegetables they would like to be served up. It is a sensorial experience for them and they remember and enjoy their meals when they have picked it up themselves. The four nutritious groups you need to keep in mind to include in each of the meals would be:

  • Starchy foods
  • Fruits and vegetables
  • High iron and high protein foods
  • Milk (check the contents of whole and skimmed in order to ensure that it contains Vitamin D and A), cheese, curds/yoghurt

The foods to be limited and/or avoided would be:

  • Sweets and chocolates
  • Salty foods (avoid chips and salty snacks like papads, pakodas, samosas; use herbs and spices to flavour the food instead of salt) The FSSAI recommends only 2g of salt a day for pre-schoolers.
  • All whole grains only (they might feel full before they have eaten enough)
  • Raw or partially cooked eggs, shell fish, large fish that might contain high levels of mercury
  • Whole nuts (they might choke)
  • Tea and coffee (they reduce the absorption of iron from foods)
  • Carbonated drinks (can damage teeth)

Fussy eaters under 5 year old, might need supplements containing Vitamins A and D. This can be done under advisement from your paediatrician.

A study, “Impact of iron supplementation on cognitive functions in preschool and school-aged children : the Indian experience” By Subadra Seshadri and Tara Gopaldas talks about the significance of managing iron levels for young children. Click here to read more.

http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/50/3/675.2.short

Finally, developing executive functions – attention, impulse control, working memory, planning – all are a combination of nature and nurture. And while it might be hard to change IQ, it is definitely possibly to improve a child’s ability to concentrate and increase executive functions. Do remember however, keeping on task longer  should not be confused with compliance, obedience, sitting quietly or staying still etc. It has to be about children to persist to achieve the goal they have set for themselves and solve the problems to satisfy themselves and not for consequence of reward or punishment.

Nivedita Mukerjee is a journalist, educator and parent. She writes about matters that concern a child’s success and well-being. She can be reached at niveditamukerjee10@gmail.com.

This post has also been published by 6D news. Please find the link here : http://6dnews.com/boosting-concentration-memory-power-in-pre-schoolers/

A version of this post has also been published here:

https://www.parentcircle.com/article/boosting-concentration-and-memory-power-in-pre-schoolers/

 

Teaching your teen time management

Posted on 5 Mar 2017 by

4 Comments

“Ma! I am tired now, please don’t tell me to clean my room.”

“But dad, I have been on the net for only an hour, how can you say I have been on face book all day!”

“I have no time to chill. All I get to do is school, homework and tuitions. I hate it!”

“Am not hungry now, don’t want to eat anything. Just let me sleep!”

Any of the above exasperations sound familiar? If yes, then go ahead, ask your teen the following questions, and match it with your own understanding of his/her stress levels. Mind it, don’t ask them all at the same time!

  • Do you get enough sleep every day?
  • Do you get time to hang out with friends over the week?
  • Are you tired/energised all day?
  • Do you get enough time to do your homework and projects?
  • Are you always rushing till last minute preparing for tests and exams?
  • What is the current distribution of your day between studying, playing and leisure?
  • Are you satisfied with the time you get spend on the net/social media?
  • How do you feel about the list of things that you have to do and want to do?
  • Do you have daily/weekly/monthly goals for yourself?
  • What activities do you consider as non-negotiables for feeling good?

Discuss with your teen, what does he/she feel about the answers and what would he/she like help with. More often than not, it would be “I just need more time!” and the only sure way to get that is to be able to organise it better. For time as we all know, is finite and measurable. This attribute of time can be used to work for us instead of against.

As an educator, I have often discussed and counselled parents who are either concerned or frustrated with their teen’s time management habits. The list of top 5 non-negotiable expectations from their growing child that I have heard from them are listed below. You may want to list yours, chances are it would be some or all of the following:

  1. Eating healthy, sleeping enough and personal hygiene.
  2. School and homework.
  3. Sharing household responsibilities like laying the table for dinner, taking the dog for a walk, helping grandmother with her skype call.
  4. Spending time with family, especially on occasions that are significant like birthdays, rituals, outings.
  5. Working towards a defined goal – short and long term. For eg. A short term goal could be baking a cake for friend’s birthday party or planting in the garden patch and a longer one could be learning to play soccer for school team or learning to play the guitar.

While all of the above need time, there are some other essentials in your teen’s life which when overtake their day’s schedule, end up being the time guzzlers. I asked a few teens on what do they want to do with their time and yet at the same time be-grudge as being the ones that make them waste time – they picked the following. You can help them manage these.

Taming your teen’s top time guzzlers:

  • Television : suggest your teen to pick out specific shows that interest him/her and put them on record so that he/she does not have to watch them by appointment. He/she can schedule a specific amount of time during the day or week to catch up with that favourite show. A routine can also be made to watch it with the family or friends to combine the hang out time and entertainment time.
  • Video games : if you see that gaming is taking up more time than your teen can afford in his/her schedule, use it as a reward time. For e.g. After finishing homework, you will turn on the play station or catch Pokémon for an hour.
  • Social media : face book updates, you-tube videos, What’s app and Instagram etc. are part of our lives. Definitely that of your teen’s. Set aside time for that specifically. Allocating time, will stop any of the activity from overflowing into the rest of the schedule.
  • Sports and hobbies : these are necessary but sometimes they end up becoming time guzzlers. For example, there’s the phenomena of skate boarding/roller blading/wave-boarding amongst teens. This is a great one for outdoors and core-muscle building but can get out of hand with respect to time when coupled with Pokémon catching or for that matter just plain hanging out before and after. Similarly goes for sports whether swimming, tennis or soccer. If it’s a club that your teen is part of, discuss with the parents of other children and sort out the logistics and time for practice, with due consideration to the activities that are already in the schedule that you have charted out with our teen already. Overall time needs to be balanced and spread across the interest areas in discussion with your teen. Avoid overscheduling. Keep breathers within the schedule.
  • Hanging out : there’s a thin line in understanding this one as it is as much a time guzzler as much being an actual emotional need for teenagers. They want to spend extended periods of time with their peers and any amount of hang out time feels less. You can combine one or all of the above to an overall chunk of time to be spent socialising – virtually and physically.

Help your teen break down the time and tasks:

  • Scheduling is key : discuss with your teen every week once on what would be the broad outline of the week. To begin with, you can share yours. Role modelling is the best way to teach (and preach!). You may consider a side by side list to be put up on a white board, soft board or on the refrigerator – which would include to do list in the categories of:
    • Definitely (just have to be done)
    • Should be ( can be partially done or pushed if ‘definitely’ is taking more time)
    • Love to ( leisure and feel good activities, include some short and some long duration to be able to fit in as the schedule permits)

Once this list is made, schedule them day wise. A to-do list remains a to-do if not scheduled. Allocation of dedicated time is critical to achieve success of a to-do list. You can use technology for this with apps and planners. Model good time management habits yourself and share your challenges and successes with your teen. If you are asking your child to fill in the schedule, go ahead and fill in one yourself. Remember to schedule leisure! As you discuss yours and your child’s schedule week on week, you would find yourself more understanding of your own and your child’s needs and priorities without nagging. You will find that routines would develop over time, of doing certain activities in a certain order like playing a game right after school or doing some specific chores at home right before or after dinner and so forth.

  • Setting rules and expectations clearly with consequences – (that have been discussed and those that you would follow through) works better than continuous reminders which in turn reduces the child’s responsibility and ownership for his/her schedule. Use this opportunity to instil a long term life skill of time management in your child. This will go a long way for not only estimating the time that will take him/her to work on a project but to manage and work towards much complicated long term goals. And while at it, manage your own time as well which is at a premium, fraught with distractions and responsibilities. It’s alright to feel stressed at times – tell your teen to accept it when he/she feels stressed. Share with him/her what you do to relax when you are stressed.

Here are some suggestions for both parents and teens to try out:

  • Make a list of immediate matters that are causing the stress and prioritise – helps in avoiding procrastinations.
  • Break a big task into modules – for eg. When I have to take a workshop, make a presentation or write an article, I write down the sub topics, sort out the research papers I would need to read, short list and book mark the sites I need to refer, list of people I  I would like to tackle; similarly, if you ask your child to clean their room, break it down further by listing smaller tasks within – as cleaning out drawers, sorting out cupboard, clearing the desk, arranging the shelves and so on so that one task at a time can be achieved.
  • Do something to clear your mind of stress and think clearly like go out for a walk, swim, run outdoors. If indoors, take a shower, do a couple of yoga poses, drink hot tea/chocolate.
  • Take a small break to read a short article or watch a TED talk.
  • Call a friend or family for a quick chat.
  • Seek help if you think someone in your network would be able to support you in it – same for your child – sometimes putting on music and cleaning one’s room with a friend becomes the most fun thing that teens can engage with turning a chore into a playdate.
  • Last but not the least – if you or your child has overcommitted, do not hesitate to pull back from one or two of those.

As your teen starts enjoying the benefits of time management skills, it would become a virtuous cycle for attending any task of significance. The immediate benefits would be palpable, like:

  • Relative calm before projects are due or before school tests.
  • Sense of responsibility and independence.
  • Increased time for socialising with friends.
  • Guilt-free time for chilling out.
  • Over all better demeanour and better performance at school and home.

https://www.ted.com/talks/laura_vanderkam_how_to_gain_control_of_your_free_time

Nivedita Mukerjee is a journalist, educator and parent. She writes about matters that concern a child’s success and well-being. She can be reached at niveditamukerjee10@gmail.com.

A version of this post has also been published here:

https://www.parentcircle.com/article/teaching-your-teen-time-management/

 

 

The right measure for judging your pre-teen’s academic performance; More or less!

Posted on 19 Feb 2017 by

4 Comments

As your child gets to his/her first ‘double digit’ milestone birthday – the big 10, something turns in the attitude of parenting in you. Have you noticed that? All that was cute and cuddly, now looks like a box tied up neatly with a bow of expectations. Of your own. Could be reminiscent of what your family expected from you.  Or possibly some of what you expected of yourself. Add to this, what you aspire for your child. So much potential!  Alongside these expectations from your child, you also create expectations from yourselves for a new wave of parenting that sweeps over you. Rightly so, for now, the existential nurturing needs that you fulfilled for your child is over taken by the child himself/herself. The child can pretty much take care of all his/her needs. From feeding, bathing to asking and negotiating. Both your and your child’s roles and responsibilities now need to go through an overhaul! Your parenting style needs to move from that of primarily nurturing and stimulating, to providing for wider exposure, higher challenges and connecting-communicating for a deeper relationship.

It is typically around the age of 10, when your child is most likely to be in grade 5, a new sense of independence dawns. Sometimes you will feel that your child is pushing you away. He/she tests the limits that have been set by you over the past years of growing up. What has happened is that your child is changing both physically and emotionally. This has led to significant development in the cognitive as well as social aspects of the child’s personality. The child is now demanding autonomy. Time for you to respect that. However, parental support, supervision, monitoring, tracking performance and growth in various areas assume even greater importance during these pre-adolescent years.

While your child is not a teen yet, he/she is out of his/her childhood. Remember:

  • Your child’s pushing you away is nothing personal.
  • Keeping small secrets from you is normal.
  • Your child will often not respond to your inquiries into his/her routines and about friends.
  • Your child expects you to listen but not always comment or advice.
  • The child is looking for non-judgmental responses from you.
  • Expect that the norms of discipline, school, home-work, family time – all will be re-negotiated.
  • To launch themselves to the outside world, they need you as the anchor.
  • They want to fit with their friends but they want you to keep them safe

What is it that most children exhibit during these wonderful  years of growing out of childhood and becoming an adolescent teen?  Over the years of being an educator, I have conducted several sessions on puberty and changes with this age group. Have taught and discussed with them content ranging from lake eutrophication and impact on ecosystem to classification in animal and plant kingdom. From Shakespeare – the bard and Steve Jobs the entrepreneur to Claude Monet – the impressionist.  Have travelled with them for days on multiple school trips to a range of destinations, to study history, geography, sciences – all the while understanding each other. I must say, I have enjoyed and learned much about the behaviour of pre-adolescents during these long and intense interactions. What I am sharing below are general characteristics as observed and understood by me. Read this keeping in consideration the understanding that you have of your own child. His/her temperament, factors of home and family, friends in school and neighbourhood, tasks undertaken, maturity level and if there’s any ongoing factor of illness, changes, happenings like birth, death, adoption, marriage etc. –  that could potentially put your child either in a state of flux or stability.

These three years are seen as the calm before storm and is actually the best time for both teachers and parents to establish a long lasting connection with the soon to be the belligerent full blown teenager.

The 10 to 12-year old’s behaviour is typically:

  • A spectrum. From relaxed and easy-going, to swinging between extremes and settling down, before it all erupts in the teens.
  • A talkative, friendly – may sometimes be more self-assertive and border on rude.
  • Likes school, is alright with reasonable amount of homework and is good at memorising.
  • Is curious, impulsive, interrupts, wiggles and fidgets.
  • Enjoys physical activities like swimming, running, climbing, jumping, riding but also tires easily.
  • Rebels against you, argues, talk back and name calling is common.
  • Is hungry all the time, for food and for experiences.
  • Resists tasks that are imposed. Does not care for consequences but has sense of right and wrong so can be reasoned with.
  • Shows care for pets and siblings, great age to introduce to community service activities and opportunities to build empathy.
  • Enjoys participating in group activities, forming special clubs, presenting skills to peers and competing.

You may want to order yourself a copy of Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. llg and Sidney M Baker’s ‘Your Ten-to Fourteen-Year-Old’. They have presented their  observation, consultation and discussion with parents. Loise Bates Ames is also the founder of Gesell Institute of Child Development. You may also want to read Gottman’s book ‘Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child’.

With all the understanding – of your child’s circumstances and development — should you venture into measuring your pre-teen child’s academic performance.

What should be your method of measuring?

  • Standardised tests?
  • Personal graphs?
  • Individual education plans?
  • Profiles of achievements?
  • Measuring their co-curricular achievements with academic achievement?
  • Personality development with or without academic progress?

Then you also have to answer the following questions :

  • How do you wish to track these achievements?
  • What should be your response on high/low performance?
  • Should you discuss the performance first with the teacher and then with your child or should you do it along with the teacher, or only with your child one on one?
  • Should both parents take equal interest and praise/reprimand? Or one of you should take back-seat? Or while one of you measure one kind of performance, the other parent should pursue another?
  • How much weightage should you give to the factor of emotional wellbeing of the child vis-à-vis scores in these pre-teen years.

Academic performance is understood to be a measurable outcome of education, vis-à-vis the goals set by the student, teacher or institution and the parent. Most common measure of this achievement is by formative (continuous) assessment or summative (term end test/examinations) assessments. And it’s in this context that you need to argue and ask questions, some of which are listed above. There are no clear answers. Even within standardised tests administered to a class group in the same institution, it is argued whether procedural knowledge (skills and concepts) or declarative knowledge (information on content and facts) should be given more significance. IQ tests are scored by students with higher mental ability and is linked with effort and motivation for achievement in very academic environments. Whereas if your child is attending a school which is more flexible on curricular achievements and has plenty of co-curricular activities or even if your home learning environment is semi-structured, your child’s academic achievement would differ. You must factor in the discourse you have with your child on academic achievement, skill development and expectations of behaviour and attitude.

Another key factor that should be included as you measure your child’s academic performance would be your own academic socialisation. Your socio-economic status and that of your friends and family. Research has shown that the quality of relationship that you have with your child will influence the self-efficacy of your child and thus the academic achievement.  Do measure your own quality time spent with your child, while judging your child’s academic performance.

Some of the practical ways to judge your child’s academic performance are:

  • To keep an eye on the actual grades achieved in various subjects, in the projects, term reports, graded tasks.
  • To chart it with dates and keep a chronological record to discuss if the child is consistently maintaining, improving or regressing in grades.
  • To keep the big picture in mind that whether the child is able to understand and apply the material which he/she is working upon and is developing a critical thinking and application based information.
  • Take an overview of all the subjects being tackled at the grade level and see if some subjects/topics within the subjects are being understood at the level of mastery and whether some concepts are remaining fuzzy. This may have a compounding impact later especially in Language, Mathematics and Sciences.
  • Besides Grades and test scores, be cognisant of participation in extracurricular activities as well. The ability to master a variety of skills in sports, arts, literary areas might support your child to have a well-rounded personality. This is great for the development of the child as well as for senior school/college applications.
  • Initiatives, volunteering, leadership positions for organising events and activities in school community and/or in the neighbourhood would stand in good stead for your child and should compensate adequately for any lack of grades/scores.

According to studies conducted by Broh, 2002; Mahoney, Larson, Ecce, and Lord, 2005, participation in extracurricular activities have a positive influence on academic performance. Theatre rehearsal, soccer practice, piano lessons – all contribute towards academic achievement. So, when measuring your child’s academic performance, check out how the child is performing/engaging in the co-curricular activities and check if the graph is positive and indicating growth over time. Positive social relationships and behaviour, developing self-esteem, sense of citizenship – all of these are key markers to keep in mind, while measuring your child’s performance.

One of the areas I have spent most time as a K-12 educator are in discussions with parents to understand the changes that their child goes through at various ages. The ages of 10 to 12, as I have mentioned earlier in this article, are the early adolescent ones. They are not children; they are not young adults. The milestones are not as clearly defined as they are in the preschoolers or early primary years. The boys and girls go through many physical changes and not all of it begins or proceeds at the same pace. Along with the physical changes come the cognitive changes. These are less visible but are palpable to an involved parent. During this time, most of the children learn to think, reason and learn. They are able to conceive of ideas and projects in abstraction. They do not need to see or touch them to plan a project with the materials. They also want to experiment with reasoning and consequences. They can understand complicated emotions like for e.g. the fact that you can hide your sadness with a smile on your face. Your child can start anticipating how you will react to something he/she will say or do and is prepared with an explanation or an excuse or even fabricate a cover up story. As a parent, it is expected of you to be more open, show your trust, be less judgmental in your words as well as show it in your actions. It is important that your child should think it alright to tell the truth to you no matter what has happened.

During these years, it is best that you come to terms with the fact that your child is starting to think with more cognitive maturity, which is almost adult-like, even without having gone through the experiences of adulthood. The mental changes that your child is undergoing, is part of the process of ‘identity formation’. During these years, you will feel that your child is going through phases. It is important for them to go through this and struggle through their understanding of self – as a daughter/son, as a friend, as a class mate, as a student, as a team mate, as a sibling etc. These help them to handle their negative emotions like fear, sadness and anxiety in future. You might observe some contradictory habits like taking a long shower while participating in a marathon for a saving water campaign. He/she may spend hours texting with their friends only to criticize a peer for gossip.

You may want to check out some of the following links for further understanding of early adolescence.

http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/pass/learning-circles/four/Early%20adolescence.pdf

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/middle2.html

http://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default%3Fid%3Dthe-growing-child-school-age-6-to-12-years-90-P02278&sa=U&ei=eMq7VNe2I8_4yQSX-oCwAw&ved=0CEIQFjAI&usg=AFQjCNFn5tO-78ISMzUno4_7cO4dCvft1Q

While you are making an effort to understand your child, make yourself better understood by your child as well. How well does your child know you? Find out with this quiz. Make up some more questions and substitute mummy/daddy as applicable. This might encourage your child to make one on themselves as a result of which you will have known some more about your own child!

Here are 20 questions on you for your child (be prepared for the most unexpectedly honest answers that your child might come up with):

  1. What makes mummy/daddy happy?
  2. What makes mummy/daddy sad?
  3. What makes mummy/daddy laugh?
  4. What does mummy call daddy when she is upset?
  5. How does daddy call mummy when he is looking for something?
  6. How old is mummy/daddy?
  7. How tall is mummy/daddy?
  8. How did mummy/daddy look when they were children?
  9. What does mummy/daddy do best?
  10. What is the most used phrase by mummy/daddy?
  11. What is the job of mummy/daddy?
  12. What does mummy/daddy do when you are not home?
  13. What does mummy/daddy like best about you?
  14. What is the favourite place for mummy/daddy that you to go?
  15. How do you know that mummy/daddy love you?
  16. If you were to name your mummy/daddy (like they did for you), what would it be?
  17. If your mummy/daddy were characters in a film/cartoon/computer game, what would they be?
  18. What is the favourite activity for your mummy/daddy?
  19. What does your mummy/daddy always say to you?
  20. How does mummy/daddy make you laugh?

It would take you time to understand your pre-adolescent child and then some more to understand your adolescent child in years to come. As an educator and a parent, my advice would be to have patience, spend time to sit and chat without agenda, listen more – advise less, share more – ask less, understand more – judge less. As for academic performance – discuss more – measure less.

Nivedita Mukerjee is a journalist and an educator. She enjoys travelling and writes about travel and education with equal passion.  She can be reached at niveditamukerjee10@gmail.com.

A version of this post has also been published here:

https://www.parentcircle.com/article/how-to-measure-your-preteens-academic-performance/

https://www.parentcircle.com/article/parents-guide-to-understanding-preteens-their-attitude-and-behaviour/

 

 

 

Hi! I am Kyra – A TanaBana Story Book

Posted on 22 Jan 2017 by

9 Comments

 

Hi! I am Kyra, is the second one in the series of TanaBana. It is free for you to download Hi! I am Kyra (Click to download the PDF) on a device of your choice.

TanaBana, means warp and weft of a weave, in the Hindi language. And that’s what it is. A story woven with the ‘Tana‘ of ideas, and the ‘Bana‘ of pictures from everyday events that happen in a child’s life. The idea of this series emerged, during a conversation amongst a couple of us friends who share the passion of story, of education. The precious Nano interactions that happen every day amongst young children and between a child and the adult in their environment have the possibility of making a deep and meaningful impact on the mind of a growing child.

We would love to hear your and your child’s feedback on any aspect of the book. Let us know what you liked and what we can do better. We hope you and your child enjoy reading it as much as the TanaBana team enjoyed weaving it.

For those of you who missed out on the first one, I can see a rainbow, here’s the link again I can see a rainbow (Click to download PDF). Enjoy!

 

Things to consider before enrolling your child into an IIT Coaching program

Posted on 4 Dec 2016 by

4 Comments

What should you consider before enrolling your child into IIT coaching?  The question triggers thoughts in many directions. Is my child interested? Is my child capable? Where can I enrol him/her? Which is the best? What should I look for when I am choosing an institute? Do I send my child out of town? Can my child manage class 11 and 12 along with this preparation? Can after-school tuition replace coaching? Can the child prepare on his/her own? Can I afford it? Is it worth it? What should I do now?

Just for your information, these exams are conducted by the CBSE board. The NCERT books are heavily recommended for the preparation of both JEE (Engineering entrance) and NEET (medical entrance). You may want to keep this in consideration as your child enters the middle school years, if your child wants to consider working towards these entrance examinations over the years. Most definitely in the years of class 9 to 12.

I asked four of my friends what they had to say about their experience of putting their children through the fabled IIT entrance exam.

What they had to say:

  1. “I had to go through many things before taking a final decision. Adapting to the new place by the child, atmosphere of the institute, teaching quality, behaviour of the teachers were important factors for my decision” says Sanjay Jogai, whose son is currently enrolled in a well-known institute in Chandigarh. His son will write the exam in 2018 but this is a journey, he says, that they are undertaking as a family. Supporting him emotionally, talking to him daily so he does not feel homesick, and motivating him without putting pressure on performance, are things they have had to learn.
  2. “Before choosing a class, you have to make sure that the child is not interested in just getting marks but also keen to understand concepts. I was very happy with my choice of the coaching institute. They have experienced teachers. That was our main criteria. However, the top three or four batches usually have the good teachers allocated but the rest of the batches are purely to make money” says Seema Raj, whose son attended a well-known institute in Kota. He had been to a coaching institute in Hyderabad while in grade 11 but the family was dissatisfied with its quality. Undeterred, the family moved to Kota to enrol him in a better institute. The risk paid off; Seema’s son was admitted to IIT. He is currently pursuing an MS in computer science from Ohio University. Seema adds that for her, feedback from students who had been to the institute played an important role. She insists that it is key to ensure that the child is really interested in the field they are applying to study. Children who enrol purely because of parental pressure are unlikely to succeed.
  3. Another parent, Dr. Sunita Vashishtha, expresses that in principle, she is against the idea of coaching institutes, despite their importance to the IIT entrance race. More thought should be given to reducing our reliance on these institutes. Echoing Seema’s sentiments, she says that even students who barely manage their school examinations are being forced into these institutes. The institutes charge a hefty fee in return for which parents can absolve themselves of responsibility. In reality, the children gain an opportunity to move out of the house and away from continuous parental pressure, spending time unwillingly and unproductively at the institute.
  4. Sonali Shirodkar, a parent from Mumbai, whose son attended a highly sought-after institute, says that your choice must hinge on faculty. They should be knowledgeable, experienced, interact well with students, and most importantly, should have passed the test themselves. Location and commute time is also important. How fees are paid is a factor; flexibility with instalments saves a lot of trouble if classes need to be discontinued for any reason. Many institutes do not offer any refunds. An interesting consideration was that since the classes continue through the summer, most classrooms are air-conditioned. However, these considerations for comfort can be undermined by the fact that seating arrangements are often inadequately matched to class sizes. During some classes, Sonali’s son had one leg out and the other inside the desk for the entire hour of the class!

Some parents mention that it is imperative to check references with families of ex-students for authenticating the institute’s claims. Institutes are notorious for paying toppers and other entrants with no connection to the institute to be able to put their name up on their marketing collaterals, hoardings etc. to enhance their saleability.

Most established coaching institutes offer a variety of courses.

Courses can be of the following configurations:

  • A two-year course for students of grade 11, who would like to prepare over two years, allowing time for their school syllabus simultaneously.
  • A one-year course for students of class 12, as a compact high-intensity preparation, alongside preparation for their class 12 finals.
  • A short-term course for about 4 months, which supplements preparation for just Maths, Physics, and Chemistry.
  • A one-year full-time course for students attempting (or re-attempting) the exam after they have completed class 12.
  • Distance and online learning courses delivered through booklets, question banks, mock tests, video dispatches as SD cards etc. for lectures and so forth. These are aimed towards students who wish to prepare from their own homes, and/or wish to attend a specific coaching institute that is too distant for commuting. This option is also useful for NRI students.

Seems like a lot of trouble. Do I even need an institute?

Coaching comes with a price, and no student loans are available for it. For most, this is a serious amount of money. Given the immense demand, coaching classes are “one-size-fits-all”.  Teachers cannot attend to each student individually. Ultimately, it is the child who needs to put in the effort.

Cracking the IIT entrance exam is a dream for many students and their parents. It is arguably one of the world’s toughest exams. Can it be cracked without coaching? Many do just that: just about half of all entrants, in fact. Nonetheless, coaching is useful if you child needs additional motivation to revise, practice and keep to a schedule.

There are some clear advantages to coaching. 

  • Healthy competitive interaction with a large group of students.
  • Scheduled revisions and practice.
  • A current syllabus, relevant to the year of examination, a distinct advantage over independent tutors or self-study as it may not be easily accessible.
  • Study material, timetable, conceptual clarifications, and repetition of key concepts, ensuring full coverage of the material.

There are several well-known institutes:

http://www.embibe.com/100marks/jee-main-and-advanced-list-of-best-coaching-institutes/

https://www.toppr.com/bytes/top-10-coaching-institutes/

http://www.indiaeducation.net/top_colleges/coaching/engineering.aspx

http://www.kshitij-iitjee.com/blog/jee-coaching-institutes-in-india-with-remarkable-records

Which is the best? The answer is, simply, the one that most suits your needs.

Here are some pointers to help finalise the one for you:

  1. Reference check the coaching center. This is the topmost priority. Ask for the yearly enrolment and success rate. Talk to ex-students and ask whether the coaching added reasonable value.
  2. Check the qualifications of the lecturers and the ratio of permanent to visiting faculty. Ask for a list of the faculty, the exact status of their affiliation, and their experience with the exam. Some institutes hold open days to showcase their faculty and demonstrate lectures. Ask faculty how many years they have worked in IIT coaching and whether they have themselves attempted/passed the examination. Some institutes have ex-IIT’ans teaching various modules.
  3. Consider the fee structure, instalment provisions, scholarship programs, discounts offered and refund system. Fees vary widely and can range from 50,000 per year to 2 lakhs, sometimes higher. To justify these fees, some institutes offer various “special” facilities such as canteens, libraries etc. However, your focus needs to remain on the quality and track record of the course. Some institutes hold exams to award competitive, merit-based fee discounts, and/or to batch students by ability. Some centres accept instalments, and others offer a partial refund when dropping out depending on attendance.
  4. Inspect the comfort and seating provisions in classrooms. This is important for your child’s ability to concentrate. The prospect of sitting in a dingy/hot/cold/overcrowded classroom for 4 to 5 hours a day is absolutely mortifying.
  5. Consider the commute. Timing can be tricky if your child is attending school simultaneously — as these hours add to a regular school day, allow time for rest and recreation.

Additionally, look for:

  • Study material offered to each student
  • Reference material available in the institute’s library
  • Testing frequency
  • Methodology to monitor student performance
  • Communication by the institute and its faculty with parents
  • Timing options
  • Criteria for grouping students
  • Protocol for the institute to ensure they have incorporated the changes regularly introduced in the examinations, from negative marking, comprehension type questions, Higher Order Thinking Skills, New Question Banks for IQ tests etc.

Once enrolled

Ensure the wellbeing of your child. Discuss what is important. You want the best for the child. Success will be neither achieved nor enjoyed if it comes at the cost of emotional or physical comfort.

Some tips from a school psychologist for aspirants:

  • Get a good night’s sleep, 7 to 8 hours every day. Do it at the same time every day. A regular routine facilitates both the sleep and study schedule and you will feel more in control of your life.
  • Exercise daily for at least 20 to 30 minutes, whether playing a game with friends, or running/cycling/swimming, or even just stretching with yoga and light push-ups. Exercise aids concentration for the rest of the day.
  • Spend some time socialising with friends. Those who are fun and studious help those who are stressed and struggling with studies. This will make you feel good about yourself, and explaining concepts to others gives clarity.
  • Prepare regularly, systematically, and cumulatively, instead of waiting until just before tests or examinations.
  • You know yourself best, strengths and weaknesses, so be honest to yourself when creating a realistic timetable. Not adhering to your own timetable or procrastinating creates guilt, and the guilt – conscious mind blocks the channels to performance that you are capable of.

Your child will be under a lot of pressure, self-induced, or brought on by their teachers, society, peers, and family. According to Vinita Shah, a career counsellor for the last 13 years, all those around the child should know how to handle this pressure with understanding.  Pressure, poorly tackled, can have a lasting negative impact on all concerned. The expectations and dynamics of the whole system surrounding the child should be managed in a balanced manner.

In conclusion:

Granted, getting into IIT is a dream for many, but not getting through should not be regarded as evidence of failure or ineptitude for either child or parent. Such negative thinking impacts self-esteem. IIT is not equal to success. What is success? For parents and children, these are enlightening discussions to be had.

Our adolescents need career counselling, not mere guidance. Emotional support and a rational decision-making process are both essential. A child should be constantly supported through this acute and arduous journey.

According to Prof. Ashok Mishra, ( ex-IITian himself, Ex Dean of IIT Bombay (2004-2008), currently chairman of JEE  main and chairperson BoG IIT Roorkee), coaching institutes are serving a purpose of building competency and filling up the lacunae created by inadequacies of the school system. It’s a business borne out of incompetency of the primary service – that of schools.  In the report to MHRD on the JEE system, the committee headed by him has made several recommendations. Here’s the link to the complete report:

http://mhrd.gov.in/jee_system

An excerpt from the report:

The current coaching is a very lucrative ‘industry’. As mentioned earlier, it has revenues of approximately Rs. 24,000 crores per year. However, it seems to fill a void – the absence of good teaching in schools – and does it effectively enough to make lots of money also. It is not always mindless profit, indeed at least some of the Coaching Institutions offer ‘scholarships’ for bright students who can’t afford them otherwise. There are still three objections. · The first is philosophical (yet important). The purpose of education is refinement of the mind not passing an entrance examination. · The second concerns the fact that ‘all work and no play’ makes a plus 12 grade student a dull individual with less involvement in activities other than studies. · The third is that students are forced to waste a lot time commuting in order to avail the benefit of ‘good’ coaching. 

As an educator, parent and writer, I think and write about the wellbeing of school age children. Do share your views on this post and follow my blog for more if this space interests you.

A version of this article has been published here https://www.parentcircle.com/article/iit-entrance-coaching-points-to-ponder/

An open letter to fellow educators. Happy Children’s Day!

Posted on 14 Nov 2016 by

5 Comments

homework

Dear fellow educators,

14th November was introduced in our country to celebrate and emphasize the importance of children in society and nation building. Happy Children’s Day! It’s time to let them play.

In my years of training, learning and working as an educator, I have heard and read very often: Let the children play. Teach them to be happy. Teach them to respect themselves and others. Give them time to be friends and socialize. To grow as human beings. I believe that all of us as parents and educators, wish to provide for these in our children’s lives. Yet, what is it that we do by design to make time for their leisure during the most crucial years of their journey? How does the ecosystem of school, home and society work towards providing this time for play? Let’s do the math for the hours in a day in the life of a school student. Give or take some minutes, this is what it typically looks like.

  • 2 hours to get ready and commute to school
  • 7 hours in school
  • 2 hour to get home and refresh
  • 1 to 3 hours for homework/test preparation/project work
  • 1 hour for additional class (creative arts/sports/subject tuitions)

This makes for a gruelling 13 to 15-hour day for a K-12 student. Week after week. On Weekends, there is often make-up class in school, weekend homework or additional prep for test/exam that would be coming up in the following week. On an average, a student spends one to 3 hours a day on homework and school related assignments. Homework has entered into our teaching/parenting conversations… don’t forget your homework tomorrow or else… says the teacher. Do your homework before you go out to play… says the parent. Over the last 100 years, homework has become entrenched in a student’s life.

At one time, rather than diagnosing children with various attention deficit disorders, paediatricians would prescribe more outdoor exercise. I remember, during the time my grandmother was a head mistress in a primary school, she would often come home and talk about how she sent the fidgety ones out running in the school grounds in between the periods! There were discussions on elimination of homework and periodicity of tests for all students under 15 as it stressed them. That was the age when they would go for Matriculation exam – as 10th Grade exit. This is for the years before Intermediate college/ PUC or 11th/12thin school. The cold war made the crisis of homework deeper with assumption that Russian children were smarter, working harder and achieving more in the school. The opinion which was swinging away from homework, swung back and abolishing or limiting homework thought process was overturned. Over the years, homework was looked at taking over outdoor play, creativity and over all social development.

The National Education Association issued this statement in 1966:

It is generally recommended (a) that children in the early elementary school have no homework specifically assigned by the teacher; (b) that limited amounts of homework—not more than an hour a day—be introduced during the upper elementary school and junior high years; (c) that homework be limited to four nights a week; and (d) that in secondary school no more than one and a half hours a night be expected. (In Wildman, 1968, p. 204)

However, through the years, the swing continued on thoughts of what was to be considered good homework and what was bad homework; what was good enough at what age and so forth. For more on the beliefs, moralistic views, puritan work ethic, behaviourism and the cultural stress on performance, here’s a link to an article.

http://www.ascd.org/publications/books/108071/chapters/The-Cult(ure)-of-Homework.aspx

Here’s a list that I tweeted a couple of weeks ago of what possibilities open up when homework does not call dibs on the student’s time.

nivedita mukerjee ‏@nmukerjee1  Oct 26

31 Things Your Kids Should Be Doing Instead of Homework http://www.parent.co/31-things-your-kids-should-be-doing-instead-of-homework/?utm_source=sumome&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=sumome_share …

There’s no arguing that all children need play time, down time and family time. However most of that is taken up by homework time! on weekdays and weekends. What do the best in education system – the Finnish schools have to say about this?

Click on this link for a glimpse into that:

Here’s your 20 question quiz on what you think Homework is. Say True or False.

  1. It is a necessity.
  2. It takes all day.
  3. It lets children work at their own pace, without peer pressure.
  4. It teaches them responsibility and organization skills.
  5. It allows time to study for tests and go over class work.
  6. It is necessary in elementary school.
  7. It is necessary in primary school.
  8. It is necessary in middle and high school.
  9. It shows what an individual student knows not what the next student knows.
  10. It helps to drill the concepts home.
  11. It helps in learning habits.
  12. It helps in practice leading to perfection.
  13. It helps the student to retain knowledge.
  14. It has to be fun and interesting.
  15. It needs to be challenging.
  16. It should be banned.
  17. It is a hassle for student and teacher to work on and to grade.
  18. It comes in way of extracurricular activities.
  19. It leads to late nights resulting in lack of adequate sleep.
  20. It causes stress.

As an educator when you plan a homework assignment, what is your objective? How much time should they need to spend on the homework? Do you share that expectation with your students? How much homework is just the right amount for a particular grade? When does it stop being meaningful? The 10-minute rule, which calls for 10 minutes of homework per day per grade is endorsed by some schools. You may want to think about yours.

Yours truly,

Nivedita Mukerjee

A fourth generation educator, aspiring to visit schools in Finland and wishes that teachers and parents question themselves and their school’s policy on homework.

Choosing the best preschool

Posted on 30 Oct 2016 by

4 Comments

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Choosing the best preschool: how does one do it? This is the biggest question when the time comes to let your child out of your own care.

Over the last several years, I have personally met thousands of parents on this journey. I have had the privilege of understanding their needs and concerns and discussing suitable preschool choices. November is when most schools begin their admissions process for the next academic session. Announcements are made on the school’s website, on various digital platforms, news paper advertisements, pamphlets, hoardings, or to parents directly by sending out mailers and word of mouth. Additionally, some schools process admissions year-round and enroll students when seats become available.

What should you consider when choosing a preschool? First, you must ask yourself: what do I want for my child? How do I picture my child in a few years? Away from home, in a new environment and with unfamiliar adults, the little one starts a journey of learning and independence. This time of life should be filled with love, laughter and joy. Here is a list of considerations to keep in mind as you venture in search of the best preschool.

Tap into your network. Ask around to form your opinion. What do other parents in your neighborhood, extended family, and workplace know about the preschools their children went to or are currently attending? Record these impressions against the shortlist of preschools you are considering.

Develop an understanding of early childhood care. What makes these years so important in your child’s life? How does ECCE (Early Childhood Care and Education) impact the cognitive development and the social/behavioral development of young children? To read about how various faculties of children are shaped by the environment in which they develop, you may refer to:

  1. Early Childhood Matters

Evidence from the Effective Pre-school and Primary Education project

Edited by Kathy Sylva, Edward Melhuish, Pam Sammons, Iram Siraj-Blatchford and Brenda Taggart.

https://books.google.co.in/books?hl=en&lr=&id=AWeLAgAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=importance+of+early+childhood+education&ots=kD7CfCW8kG&sig=PD1CaULXAqqV3wmYlMiwwPso40Y#v=onepage&q=importance%20of%20early%20childhood%20education&f=false

  1. Beyond Quality in Early Childhood Education and Care, Postmodern Perspective

By Gunilla Dahlberg, Peter Moss, and Alan Pence

https://books.google.co.in/books?hl=en&lr=&id=OJObniJ5BL8C&oi=fnd&pg=PR6&dq=importance+of+early+childhood+education&ots=UrnwD5NW8c&sig=g36r-URwiQc-QGPIvO4Cuc_5WUo#v=onepage&q=importance%20of%20early%20childhood%20education&f=false

  1. Early Childhood Education

By Tina Bruce

https://books.google.co.in/books?hl=en&lr=&id=E5KOx9EcyBgC&oi=fnd&pg=PT4&dq=importance+of+early+childhood+education&ots=Psyjj6ymEz&sig=JtqRyImB9xpZ8L9u-Ye7_s8zNho#v=onepage&q=importance%20of%20early%20childhood%20education&f=false

Educators like Froebel, Montessori, and Steiner agreed that young children learn best when they are given responsibility. They do not need adults to inspire them. They are self-motivated. They also do not need extrinsic rewards. They enjoy experimenting and learning in the process of making errors and making choices while at play. When children initiate their own tasks, they take agency over their own learning. However, when a child is required to follow a task presented to him/her or is expected to do something by way of instruction, it becomes work. When does intervention in a child’s learning become interference? What is an appropriate level of support, cooperation, and encouragement by an adult, so that the child does not get frustrated and flounder? These are some of the issues that you need to be conscious of when seeking a learning environment for your child.

Visit, visit, visit. Most parents I have come across are intuitive about their child’s needs. Visit the preschools, meet the adults present in the environment and see if you can picture your child there.

Here is an information-gathering checklist for your visits:

  • Location
    • The preschool needs to be near your house or workplace. If neither of these is close to the preschool you finally zero in on, you may need to move. This is important as young children fall sick often and/or get into small accidents. Most preschools do not have full-fledged sick bays or clinics. It will be your responsibility to pick up and attend to your child when the school notifies you.
    • Many children are motion sick, especially in the mornings. A short commute, ideally a walk, is the most comfortable option for going to school every day.
    • Examine the route to school for congestion during school timings. Check whether the school has clear access to ambulances or fire engines.
  • Fee structure
    • Preschool is a 3 to 4-year commitment. Ensure you are comfortable with the fee structure accordingly.
    • Check whether the fees include things like admission, refundable, donations, tuition, transport, field trips, meals, uniform, stationery, library, co-curricular activities, extended day-care, etc.
    • Consider fee escalations and whether that would happen on an annual basis. How have the escalations been in the past? Is there a proposed structure for escalation?
    • Some schools accept fees in installments and that could be monthly/bimonthly/quarterly etc., while some need the entire annual fee upfront. Check for provision for refund in case you have to withdraw your child mid-session.
    • After preschool, a reasonable amount of money is needed for grade school admissions, so plan the education budget accordingly.
  • Environment
    • Opportunities for play – outdoors and indoors
      • The preschool must have spaces for active play as regular physical activity supports the development of your child’s gross motor skills.
      • Look at the timetable and discuss with the school staff the amount of time your child will get every day to engage in physical activity.
      • See if the school has a clean sand pit area, large enough for individual and collaborative play, and look specifically for children engaging in both types of play during your visit.
      • How is the play area? Are there additional spaces for running around, cycling, throwing the ball, rings, and Frisbees? All of these are important for motor skills, eye-hand coordination, and fun!
      • There should be a few other outdoor play opportunities, e.g., a garden, water play, story corner, floor space and sidewalks to scribble on, construction areas with wooden and/foam and/or plastic blocks, etc. for the children to spend time outside of the classroom engaging with various materials and interacting with each other.
    • Classroom set up
      • When you visit the school, take a look at classrooms for different age groups and other indoor learning areas.
        • Are they well ventilated and with natural light?
        • Do they look spacious with respect to class sizes?
        • What is the arrangement of furniture in the classroom? Do they face the teacher’s desk and sit side by side in cells and rows or do they face each other while they are working?
        • Look at the educational aids available in the classroom. Are they accessible easily to the children? Do they need to ask for them from the teacher? Would the teacher be taking them out periodically and sharing them with the children? Are they enough? Are they to be shared? Is there variety within a particular group of educational aids – as in is there a range of puzzles with varying difficulty within the same classroom?
        • Is the curriculum the same for all children in the class? As in are the lesson plans and assessment criteria standardized or customized and what is the evidence of that in the classroom layout?
      • Snack/Lunch provision, nap area, toilets, and potty training
        • Ask if the school provides snacks and/or lunch and if either or both is optional.
        • What are the portions? Are they balanced and nutritious? Is there a pre-meal routine for children, like going to the toilet, hand washing, and sitting around with friends? Do the children get to socialize during meal times? Are teachers there to guide them with table manners and the use of cutlery and crockery?
        • What is the provision for meal areas and how is it set up?
        • Young children might need a nap during their stay in school if it is more than a few hours. What is the provision for that? Would the school be providing bedding or would you need to send them? What is the provision for ensuring children get their own bedding? Is laundry your responsibility or the school?
        • If your child is not potty trained then ask if it is a requirement, as some schools need the child to be completely potty trained before starting school. Some schools will allow children in diapers and train them with you as part of the settling-in process. Find out what role you would play in this process and what supplies you need to provide, such as wet wipes, diapers, change of clothes, additional knickers etc.
        • What is the provision for diapering in the toilet – diapering mat/table/tissue/washing up/disposal etc?
        • Is the toilet is child friendly, supervised yet privacy is managed? Supervision during toilet visits, cleaning routine for toilets, etc. are some of the matters to be kept in consideration when you inspect the preschool’s restroom area during your scheduled tour or open house.
  • Faculty
    • Ask and understand the educational background and experience of the teachers and other staff that interact with your child.
    • Do the classroom teachers have adequate ongoing training and professional development for working with young children and planning for a developmentally appropriate curriculum?
    • Consider the staff (teaching and non-teaching) to child ratio for the age groups. This might vary from the toddlers to kindergarten years.
    • If it is an inclusive school, there should be teachers who have qualifications for being special educators.
    • Find out if the staff is trained for the safety of the children – to handle first aid, CPR and fire drill, and evacuation process.
    • During your visit to the center, feel the dynamics between the teachers and the children. You will be able to figure out if they are committed, dedicated, and caring to the program and the children if you spend some time in the school/classroom/ playground spaces of the preschool. 
  • Educational Philosophy
    • Does the school have an inquiry and discovery-based program or is it based on drill and practice skills?
    • How much structure and flexibility does a typical school day offer to the child?
    • Does the school allow for regular interaction and partnership between school and family for the child?
    • How often are parent meetings and feedback sessions scheduled? Are there opportunities for parent-teacher conferences outside the schedule?
    • What is the school’s methodology for handling discipline? Are there any behavior rules and consequences, and how are they communicated to the children? Are there charts of rewards like stars, frogs on the log etc. for behavioral guidance or is it an empathy and discussion environment or a mix of both? How do the staff show empathy and acknowledge the children’s emotions that go through ups and downs on any typical day?
    • There are a number of popular educational philosophies for preschool, some of them are:
      • The Montessori method
      • The Reggio Emilia approach
      • The Waldorf Approach
      • The Bank Street approach
      • The High/Scope approach
      • The Play-way method (a mix of several approaches)

Know and understand each philosophy, and ask which the school uses.

  • Besides the educational philosophies, there are some common early childhood education terms that explain the kind of setting and approach with which the learning environments are set up. They are:
    • Child-centered (classroom is set up based on student’s interests and not pre-scheduled topics chosen by teachers)
    • Teacher-led (where teachers plan the lessons based on set objectives and schedule)
    • Child-led (environment that fosters individualized learning experiences)
    • Faith-based (programs that are run through church/madrasas/synagogues/Hindu mutths/missions)
    • Co-operative (these are run with parents and families assistance)
    • Developmentally appropriate (curriculum and activities are planned for the age group of children in a given program or group)
    • Pre-kindergarten (or reception or nursery – used for children between ages 3 and 4 where the program is more structured than toddlers but has less expectations of reading/writing than the Kindergarteners)
  • Grade school choice

While choosing a preschool, keep in mind the kind of grade school (especially primary school years, grades 1 to 5) you would like your child to attend. These early years will shape the personality of your child.

If the preschool choice you have made has been that of an inquiry-based discovery curriculum, with choices and open-ended activities, then the grade school should support the same. If the choice has been a skill and practice-based curriculum and a structured environment, then the choice for the primary years could be along the same lines.

Middle and senior school choices can be different from the early and primary years as by then you will better understand your child’s needs. The child would have figured out his/her strengths and interests as well. The choice of school environment will therefore be a combination, in varying ratios, of a) structured/open; b) academic/co-curricular oriented; c) sports oriented d) creative arts oriented; e) competitive/collaborative; f) STEM/liberal arts oriented and so forth. How to choose the best grade school for your child? To answer this question requires a separate post, to follow soon.

The jury on parenting is always out. What defines best is debatable. Please share your thoughts and experiences with preschools as a reply to this post, and help other readers form their opinion and make the best choice for their children. I have left some of the questions raised in this post unanswered. Over time, I will share my professional opinion on these in my Ask Niv series.

I can see a Rainbow – a TanaBana story book

Posted on 23 Oct 2016 by

5 Comments

I can see a rainbow cover 23 Oct 2016.png

‘TanaBana’ is Hindi for the ‘warp and weft’ of a weave. And that’s what it is: a story woven with the ‘Tana’ of ideas, and the ‘Bana’ of illustrations from everyday events in the life of a child. The idea of this series emerged during a conversation between a couple of friends who share the passion of story, of education and of small interactions that can make a meaningful impact on a growing child’s mind.

I can see a rainbow I can see a rainbow (Click to download PDF) is the first in this series. It is  free to download on any device. We would love to hear your and your child’s feedback. Let us know what you liked, and what we can improve, be it narrative, or illustration, or how we’re distributing the book.

We hope you and your child enjoy reading as much as my friends and I have enjoyed weaving!

The PDF is a bit large (around 30MB), because it contains several beautiful, high-resolution illustrations that we couldn’t bear to shrink! So it may take a few minutes to download.

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