Nivedita Mukerjee
Education consultancy for parents and schools
CIO India, 1999 – 2002
When Boston based International Data Group started this magazine in 1987, the title CIO – Chief Information Officer was relatively new in America. When I was Managing Editor of this Magazine in India, more than 10 years later, this position was just about getting introduced. Who is CIO? that question is almost redundant now.
At one time, these were senior executive who would be reporting to the CEO in an enterprise or to the commanding officer in the military. As said often, all businesses are now software businesses and the role of the CIO is larger than ever.
In 1996, the CIO (US edition) website was launched as a companion to the magazine. By the end of 2015, the print version of the magazine was stopped altogether. CIO India (2000-2001) went on to win awards and accolades for both content and design. Leafing through them, reading what I wrote as editorials nearly two decades back, brought back some moments from the tech scene then as well as my journalistic writing.
Sharing some issues from my personal archives. Have uploaded some covers and a few of the editorials as well. Enjoy this blast from the past.
I continue to write and speak on education and related matters, follow me for updates from the museum of the past and a peak into the future through my journalistic lens.
Tagore memorial at Shakespeare’s birthplace
Happy Birthday Tagore! Kobiguru, Gurudeb Robindronath Thakur. Much loved and revered by Bengalis, Indians and the International community. Whatever the sorbiquet, Rabindranath Tagore, the poetry, music and art of the polymath is enjoyed across ages and continents.Born on Poncheeshe Boishakh, the 25th day of the month of Boishakh of the Bengali calendar – ie 6th/7th/8th May, 1861, his birth anniversary is celebrated on any of these dates every year. He was the first non-European to win the Nobel prize in Literature for his collection of poems – Gitanjali or Song Offerings.
Tagore spent a number of years in England. He undertook the translations of his poems (original Bengali poems were about 156/157; his own translation into English – for the English Gitanjali has 103 poems). Chitto jetha bhayshunyo (Where the mind is without fear) is among one of the most quoted poems from Gitanjali in which Tagore’s has expressed his dream of how the new, awakened India should be after independence. The introduction is written by W.B. Yeats, the famous Irish poet of the 20th Century. The U.K. still remains one of the most active countries where individuals and organisations have collaborated with English scholars in highlighting and popularising Tagore.
Little surprise then, to find the bust of Tagore in the garden of Shakespeare’s birth place in Stratford Upon Avon. The bust has a tablet with a poem carved by the French sculptress, Catherine Retailleau, following the hand of Tagore in Bengali script (and his own translation) that he wrote in honour of Shakespeare.
“When by the far-away sea your fiery disappeared from behind the unseen, O Poet, O Sun. England’s horizon felt you near her breast, and took you to be her own.
She kissed your forehead, caught you in the arms of her forest branches. Hid you behind her mist mantle and watched you in the green sward where fairies love to play among the meadow flowers.
A few early birds sang your hymn of praise, while the rest of the woodland choir were asleep. Then at the silent beckoning of the Eternal you rose higher and higher till you reached the mid sky, making all quarters of heaven your own.
Therefore, at this moment, after the end of centuries, the palm groves by the Indian sea raise their tremulous branches to the sky, murmuring your praise.”
The inscription on the York stone plinth of the bronze bust says “Rabindranath Tagore – Poet, Painter, Playwright, Thinker, Teacher – The Voice of India”, and it was given as a gift to Shakespeare Birth Trust in 1995 by the Indian High Commissioner. It is placed a a peaceful part of the lovely gardens, overlooking Shakespeare’s birth place. Gives us visitors, Bengali, Indian, The Bard and Tagore-philes – a moment to dwell on both masters of their own leagues, born centuries apart. Epitome of genius both. Loved, read and appreciated beyond boundaries.
Did you know that they both wrote most of their works in blank verse, a literary device? Un-rhyming. Written in consistent meter of stressed and un-stressed syllables. Could be that of iamb, trochee, spondee, and dactyl meters. With no fixed number of lines.
Will continue to share Shakespeare and Tagore over time. Watch this space and subscribe to my blog for getting post updates once or twice a month.
Do you think your child is lazy?
Take a couple of minutes to answer these 15 questions about your child:
1.Is s/he spending more time than usual on phone?
2. Is s/he regularly falling behind in his/her homework?
3.Is s/he often oversleeping or taking extra time in the bed after waking up on most days?
4.Is s/he taking a lot of breaks between tasks/chores?
5. Does s/he tries to bluff most of the time when s/he does not have the right answer or takes credit of someone else’s work?
6.Is s/he neglecting personal hygiene?
7.Has s/he eaten a full meal lying down?
8.Has s/he laid on a couch for more than 12 hours without getting up?
9.Has s/he texted you/sibling in the other room for getting something instead of going and getting it her/himself?
10.Slept with contact lenses because s/he was too lazy to get them out?
11.Lived out of laundry bag/heap of laundered clothes instead of folding them and keeping them away?
12.Does not make the bed/change sheets for weeks on end?
13.Takes lift to go to even one floor?
14.Eats directly from the container – like ice-cream, pea-nut butter, Nutella?
15. Spilled food and pretended not to notice until someone cleans up?
When you ponder upon your answers, do you now think if your child is lazy or habitual procrastinator or depressed or incompetent or entitled?
Since I am talking about laziness here, a much often dished out character judgment, here are some probable causes for why the child does not do what is expected of him/her.
- Fear of failure : postponing actions towards goals they think are too difficult or far for them as they doubt their own capabilities. They fear that if they try and do not succeed, their incompetence will show.
- Seeking attention : sometimes children need support and guidance to do tasks/chores they are not confident about or do not know/understand well. However they also do not know how to ask for help. Sometimes they have the capability but they just want attention and seek nurture and care without knowing how to ask for it. For example the child actually wants to hang out with you, instead, s/he will not finish the homework so that you would sit alongside, have a discussion, be there and work on it together. It could be even for chores as simple as making the bed – together.
- Passive – Aggressive communication : The children depend on adults for their nurture and as such they worry that too direct an expression of their irritation or confrontation on one aspect will have consequences on some other aspect. Sometimes, children avoid conflict and bury their dissatisfied feelings. They are likely to communicate these frustrations indirectly through “laziness,”. Procrastinating in a way that will upset the parent. We assume that the child has just gotten “lazy.” But that explanation avoided the bigger issue of the child feeling of lack of fulfilment, as well as his/her out-of-awareness wish to make the parent feel as neglected as s/he felt.
- Relaxation : Productivity tools, success hacks, time-management – as a culture we put too much pressure on ourselves and thus on our children to be hyper productive and chase one activity after another. Often chastising ourselves and those around us of not being productive enough. Children do hard work everyday learning new things, managing new emotions, just growing up. They need time for relaxation. They need time to get bored. They need time to wonder. They need to wander – and surely they are neither lost or lazy while doing so.
- Depression : lack of motivation, perpetual fatigue, no interest in things, people and pleasures that were source of joy at one time could be signs of depression. Children who are depressed already feel bad for themselves and are stuck in that thought. You need to recognise that as it needs treatment and care.
Laziness is a symptom. Look for the cause. Whether in yourself as a parent or in your child.
Here are top 3 of my favourite ways of motivating a student/child as a teacher/parent that have worked for me professionally and personally over the years:
1.Role model : This always tops my chart of parenting or for that matter teaching. If you want your student/child to do something, you do it more. If you want the chores to be done by your child, do it yourself on time and standards you would like them to do. If you want them to read and write everyday, you would need to do that as well. If you want them to exercise or be fit and eat healthy, then you have to model that. However, that is not always possible.
So what to do?
If you are struggling with something, share that. If you are procrastinating some work, discuss that with your child/ren or with your friend/spouse with your child listening in. You could even think aloud in their company.
a)Why you need it to be done? the importance of it.
b) When you need it to be done? the consequence of not doing it by then.
c) How can it be done? on your own, with some expert, with some help, with advice.
This will help you to sort through your “laziness” and at the same time give your child the skill to sort through theirs.
2. Set expectations: “Show and Tell” when you are asking your 4 year old to put away his/her toys or your teenager to help you with laundry, cooking, grocery shopping or maintaining household budget records. Don’t assume that your child knows where toys/clothes/stationery goes especially if they do not have designated boxes or spaces. Don’t nag your teenager to help you with the chores but explain at a time set aside, calmly of why you need their contribution and how it would help the family. If they participate in making budget – they will be sensible in the use of their money, if they participate in shopping for food, they would be more willing to eat what they chose, which in turn would be guided by what they saw was provided for in the budget for food.
3. Go outside: “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” is a song from the 1964 Disney musical film “Mary Poppins”. When George Banks, the father, realises that his family is more important than his job, he mends his son’s kite and takes his family on a kite-flying outing. This exemplifies what over the years numerous studies with experimental psychology has shown. Go outside with the family. It lightens our moods, connects ourselves within us and with each other. Take a walk, plant a garden in your balcony or backyard, watch the stars from your terrace if you are not going for a trek or a hike in the wild every so often.
Hope this has helped you in thinking through the all inclusive verb of “lazy”. Now go ahead subscribe to my blog so that once in a few weeks – sometimes months (when I am lazy i.e.) you will get an update on my new posts.
Visible Thinking Routines
The 21st century demands that the students think and think deeply. For this as teachers we must go beyond getting students to complete their tasks. We have to create opportunities for students to think. These are used across age groups and across subjects across curricula. The skills are transferable to real life situations seamlessly as by virtue of being routines, they become habits.
Through his research, Ron Ritchhart at Harvard Graduate School of Education, Project Zero, has proven and shared with the world of educators that thinking as a process can be made visible and can be thus taught.
In the sessions of Visible Thinking Routines, I work closely with the educators over extended period of time moving from an overview to working through each category of Thinking Routines – Routines for introducing and exploring ideas; Routines for Synthesizing and organising ideas; and Routines for Digging deeper into ideas.
Below you can see a routine called – ‘ChalkTalk’ , in progress.
Swiss Knife in Teacher Tool Kit – Strategies for teaching today’s students
At the heart of your effectivity as a teacher lies your ability to understand your learner. This module of professional development is focussed on providing teachers ‘What’ they need in order to provide for in their planning and assessment that will unlock the student outcomes by unlocking their individual abilities.
The module empowers teachers with key strategies like – teaching the students to ask great questions, looking for information from divergent sources, tips for making classwork and homework tasks meaningful and habits of mind.
Going Forward By Looking Back
By encapsulating the highlights from the year, participants use the powerful tool of a guided reflection to plan how to take their learnings forward to the next year/session. They delve upon some deep thinking questions like – What made them perform better? What are their own specific efforts that they are proud of? What are the highlights of the time gone by and what makes them special? What did they do then that was worthwhile and how can they take it forward?
This is a session that takes about three hours of discussing, reflecting, articulating, creating a visual reminder as a portfolio that helps them be their better version in the next year.
Having a difficult conversation with your growing child ? Stop! First practice to differentiate between your thoughts and feelings.
Hey, we need to talk!
Think of a conversation you had with your child/student in the last couple of days that did not have the tone that you wish you/the child had had. It did not end in the result that you had in mind. Got it? Great. Now let us discuss the first and foremost step that you need to practice before you start a difficult conversation.
We all do difficult conversations with children on an almost weekly basis if not every day, whether with our own child, our neighbour’s child, a child in our extended family or with our student if we are an educator. We do it because we care. We care of the impact of their actions on themselves. We care for their emotions. We care because we think we should do it so that they are pre-warned and prepared for what is in store or how will some action of theirs will have a short/long term negative impact on them.
However, more often than not, it ends up as a bit of a preach, a random advice or worse – nagging, that either irritates or frustrates them, driving them away from the discussion. How can we avoid it? Is it the content of our conversation or the form?
Oftentimes, we express our opinion on the child’s action by way of – a feeling and/or a thought. While making a difficult conversation, it is important that we differentiate between the two and articulate our thoughts accordingly in order to have a meaningful, productive and empathetic conversation.
Differentiate between thoughts and feelings
We have feelings as a result of thought. Both play a significant role in how we respond to people and situations and are extremely difficult to separate. The distinction between thoughts and feelings is an essential skill in cognitive behavioural therapy. Thus, it is one of the most difficult tasks I am asking you to consider when you are planning to have a difficult conversation with your child. That is also the reason why it is so important.
We often create feelings based on how we are viewing the situation. Situation might not change, but our perspective can. Many times we use “I feel” interchangeably with “I think”. Feelings, for eg. are – Anger, Fear, Happiness, Sadness, Surprise, Disgust, Trust, Anticipation, Boredom, Joy, Ecstasy, Grief, Rage, Vigilant, Terror, Admiration, Amazement and some more shades of these.
Thinking on the other hand, often follows how you feel. For eg.
- I feel surprised when my child does not pick up after her/him self because I think s/he is lazy.
- I feel sad when my child does not pick up after her/him self because I think s/he is lazy.
- I feel angry when my child does not pick up after her/him self because I think s/he is lazy.
- I feel upset when my child does not pick up after her/him self because I think s/he is lazy.
When we notice or write down the thought plus feeling more accurately, we can quite clearly understand that our emotions are not dictated by our thoughts. You can experience a different feeling on the same thought on different days/situations and your spouse or any other care provider of your child can feel differently on the same thought as well.
What goes wrong with I feel? When actually you could be saying I think? A thought would need to be a statement about a fact, a reality. As such, one should be able to prove or disprove it. By using “I feel” in place of “I think”, we may be trying to short-circuit such examination perhaps even unconsciously. A feeling is internal. It does not/should not depend on external factors. Thus, it does not offer any opportunity for external examination or establishing evidence of.
There can be many reasons why you may not want your thought – “my child is lazy” to be examined :
- You want it to be true (e.g. You also want to be lazy.)
- You fear being wrong. (e.g.you think you are not able to set firm boundaries and establish routines)
- You don’t care about its veracity, only about your feeling as you know the child is selectively lazy and you have feelings about the matters s/he is selectively lazy/proactive about.
- You want to manipulate your child into doing the chores and not discuss the need of doing it.
When you are feeling an emotion that you may not like, evaluating the thoughts that are making you feel like it can be helpful.
You may want to step back and think:
- You are feeling “surprised/sad/angry/upset”
- Your thought of your child being lazy is a sign of your style of parenting
- Your thought that s/he is lazy on matters that you think are important and s/he does not.
- Your thought of your child being lazy is because you fear it will keep her/him from being successful in life
Once you analyse the original thought around your feeling, you may be able to better articulate and discuss with your child on the matter of – not picking after her/himself. So perhaps, instead of saying – I think you are lazy, try using any of your top 2/3 feelings like:
- I feel surprised that you…
- I feel so sad when I see…
- I feel angry when I…
- I feel upset when you …
Once you have done this, the rest is simple. Understand your own “filter” and thus your own reactions. Empathise first. Respond then. React never. Schedule a difficult conversation with a time limit.
Watch this space for more tips on making a difficult conversation with your child/student more productive. Subscribe to my blog so that whenever there is a new post, you get to know it. It is not more than a two or three times in a month.
Share your disappointments and successes with a difficult conversation. How could it have been different? Did you use your thoughts or feelings to guide you through it?
“I want my child to grow up to be a successful adult.” Sounds familiar?
I am yet to meet a parent who is shy of telling that they want their child to be a successful adult. My question to them as perhaps you can anticipate is – How would you define success? Followed by –
– How would you know that your child is successful?
– What would be the measure of that?
– How would the child himself/herself know s/he is successful?
– What exactly is the right age/stage of life that the child should emerge successful?
– What happens once the criteria of success (qualitatively and quantitatively) is achieved?
These look like a series of trick questions, isn’t it? And while you may be able to answer some or all of them with some degree of ambivalence now, these criteria tend to change as you/they grow older. Please understand that shifting of understanding what is success over time – is natural. Our expectations from people and situations keep changing depending on where and how we are at that point in time in our lives and our understanding and expectations in context of that specific time period or situation we are personally in.
I have shared these key elements of looking at and at the same time measuring success with parents over the years and they have found it of help. Being quite timeless, these resonate with most of them. It keeps them moving on the path of supporting their children to be successful adults.
The three key elements of success according to me are:
- Motivation
This is the inner passion that ignites us from within. It is also the will power to start working on a goal and to be able to continue on what has been started. This can range from learning a skill like sport, music, art, language, climbing a mountain or keep a diet regime.
- Inspiration
This is the idea. The muse. The intellectual ecstasy. The eureka moment. This comes from role models, reading, watching, exposure, travelling, seeking challenges outside of comfort zone.
Both of these are feelings. You feel motivated. You feel inspired. As all other feelings – happy/sad, excited/depressed, angry/calm – they come and go depending upon various external factors which impact the environment you are in at that point in time, besides yourself. Psychologically or physiologically.
- Aspiration
This is the hope. Hope to imagine a new self, a new being, a better person. Hope of doing. Hope of achieving. Hope of leaving a mark. Hope of making an impact. When motivations fail, habits break. When rituals no longer motivate. When no one and nothing makes you feel inspired out of your blues. Out of ill health. Out of financial loss. Out of personal loss. Of a constricting circumstance. When it is dark and gloomy. It is hope that keeps one going. For when hope is lost, all is lost.
Aspire does not mean that you push yourself. It means there’s a pull. It is a pull that is larger than motivation, bigger than inspiration. It feels you are being pulled towards a purpose. It is to dream. To have faith that can pull people out of despair. It feels that there is a higher purpose that is driving you to do what you can. It is greater than your person. It is so because you can only aspire to do things for others.
I for instance, constantly aspire to write more and better, have more effective sessions of sharing with the learning community. To share my thoughts and experiences with students, colleagues and parents and learn and grow while listening through theirs. I aspire to motivate. I aspire to inspire others not just by explaining what I am thinking or what I have experienced and learned but also by embodying it. I aspire to find ways and means of impacting education and information dissemination. As a scientist earlier then as a journalist and now as an educator.
Teach your child to aspire. It will help them in becoming all that they can dream of becoming and be their best successful version.
“I wish I knew better then…” has this thought ever been yours? You can avoid or reduce this for your child.
You want your child to make better decisions? Teach them the process of Critical thinking – a 21st century skill.
As parents, we want our children to make good decisions. We want them to know right from wrong. We want them to think through the consequences of making their decisions when we are not around them. When they are adolescents and teenagers with choices abound. We want them to be adults with critical thinking skills. That world where in today’s children will become adults would be very different from our own. You would want to equip them for it. As their parent and as their all-time educator and role model, this is one of our key responsibilities. It is essential for problem solving and has been clearly recognised as a necessary 21st century skill.
Every day we make many decisions. Some days it’s a calm sea with small decisions to make while some days it is an avalanche. All decisions have consequences. Small ones with short term consequences while big ones that would have long term impact on our and our loved ones’ lives. We know that it is impossible to make the right choices or the perfect decision with a fantastic outcome every time. However, there are processes that can help us to make right or almost right ones more often than those that are partially wrong or completely wrong. Critical thinking allows us to carefully deconstruct a problem or a situation, reveal its hidden issues like biases and manipulations, allowing us to make the best decision under the circumstances.
What exactly is critical thinking? Critical – does sound negative. That is because it is not about a choice one makes because it just feels right. It is to scrutinise. It is to approach with skepticism. For all available options. Think for a moment, how do you make your difficult decisions? The toughest ones that have the maximum impact in your life. Most of us do a pro/con list, in our minds or in a note that we physically write down. Some of us rely on gut feel. What other method do you have to help you through the decision making process?
Here are the 5 steps of the critical thinking process that you may want to work through with your child and role model it alongside to make it a habit to fall back on when at crossroads. Practice them yourself to manage your own anxiety while you are making decisions. Remember, you set the tone in the family. Also that, most people (young or old) do not want advice. They just want a trusted sounding board. You don’t have to fix it/solve it/do it. You have to listen, role model and create a clearly visible structure around your thoughts and actions.
- Formulate your question.
Know what you are looking for. This will help you look through some immediate attention grabbers that are obscuring your objective that you want to achieve from the situation like biases and manipulations. This is equally applicable whether it is a habit like a diet choice, a purchase decision while shopping or even a response to a conversation in a relationship.
- Gather information.
There’s so much out there on the internet, in the books, with experts and user testimonies on the matter. A diverse range of sources to gather the same information will give you different perspectives and you’d be able to formulate your own – since you know your situation best and – you have done step no. 1. You have a clear and well defined goal/objective to be achieved in mind.
- Apply the information.
What concepts are at play, what assumptions are you making based on that, what is your interpretation and if those interpretation is logically sound (not emotionally appealing only) This can be done by trying scenario planning. This is much more involved way of deciding than making a straight forward pro/con list. Little stories of how do you think it will play out if in the story (situation) 1. It gets better 2. It gets worse 3. It gets weird. e.g. Going through an assignment/project work – what actions will make it better, what actions will make it worse and what will make it say – better for you and worse for your partner. This can be applied in life situations in adult hood as well.
- Consider the implications.
Immediate and long term. Some immediate ones will make sense long term as well but many immediate ones will not pan out well for yourself/your family/your country/your environment – anything that you care for, long term. This can be done by writing a pre-mortem. So, write the implications of the decision as a devil’s advocate. i.e. Everything that can go wrong. Why it will fail? What are the possible blind spots? What is giving you the false sense of confidence of your success or the promise some person/some institution/some political party is making?
- Explore other points of view.
Views that are divergent from yours. Those that are opposite to what you have concluded. Why are some/many people drawn to that action/conclusion/decision. Even if you disagree with it all. Exploring all viewpoints comes in useful at various points in life whether at work or friendships or even within family. Ask a diverse array of people. Homogeneity drives group think. You start existing in what is called your echo-chamber. Asking people outside of your age/gender/profession not only gets you to explore alternatives, it helps you to evaluate your own choices. It would help you making a more informed decision at that point in time.
This process of using critical thinking skills would not eradicate the possibilities of making difficult or wrong decisions. It would however ,definitely give you and thus by osmosis – your child, the tool to make more thoughtful and more positive decisions to live with. Lesser number of decisions of not having thought through or just “I wish I knew better” as the reason of regret.
So here are your 5 steps to making a thought-through decision:
- Formulate your question.
- Gather information.
- Apply the information.
- Consider the implications.
- Explore other points of view.
This is fairly simple and quite comprehensive method of critical thinking process. Keep them handy for yourself and pass them on to your children. Often enough, when at critical crossroads, in absence of a structure, we jump to conclusions. Regretfully.
Hope this has been helpful. Give it a try and follow this series of Ask Niv on my blog for more on parenting tips. You can subscribe to my blogs to receive an update by email also right here.
The 3 Aces of parenting for you to keep up your sleeve
The jury on parenting is always out. Whenever you think you have mastered the art and science of parenting, a new theory, a new paradigm, a new style is propounded with research, case studies and analytics to back it. However, over the years as a parent and as an educator, here are the three aces for you to ensure a win whatever hand you are dealt with in that ever enchanting game of parenting.
- Stop Comparison
This tops the list. I believe in the quote that comparison is the thief of joy! Parenting is such a long drawn out game that it needs to be joyful for both you and your child. Comparison is worse than criticism, which is plain bad. It just debases the child instead of helping him/her improve which would have been your objective while comparing, isn’t it? It could be comparison with siblings, extended family, neighbors, classmates directly as look s/he is better than you or how come s/he can and you can’t or obliquely as if they are able to you should as well be able to.
Comparing your child to others leads to:
- Self-doubt and low self esteem
- Envy and negativity towards the one/s compared with
- Fragile parent-child relationship
- Nervous child and jittery, indecisive, diffident adult
The world is an oyster for the 21st century child. Appreciating effort, words of encouragement, support when struggling and coping, noticing the strengths, setting mutually agreed expectations from young age and under all circumstances, unconditional love is what you need to make an essential part of your communication with the child, not comparison. Your child needs to know that you have his/her back.
- Create a whitespace
Margins on note books, indentations for new paragraphs, rests in music, negative space in design, transition time between two classroom periods… These are whitespaces. This element of design is critical to bring out the content and help us focus. Similarly, whitespace is also critical for parenting. It is important for you to have a whitespace of your own. For your child to have a white space of his/her own and also for both of you to have a whitespace together. This is the unscheduled time. For you to be on your own. For your child to be on his/her own and for both of you to be together without agenda. This sparks new interests when on one’s own and similarly triggers interesting conversations when you are with your child/ren. Whitespace allows children to learn to think about things. They are not a waste of time, unproductive time or for that matter time to get into trouble. This is the time when no friend, no internet, no author, interrupts their own voice telling them what to think. Similarly, when it is just you and your child/ren, with no agenda of coaching, instructing, asking or answering, conversations happen. That’s when you make the connection with your child as an independent human being. Not thinking of how to mould, shape, motivate – but just to relate.
Here are some tips for creating whitespace:
- Take a break from social media – go for a walk together or sit with a beverage in your foyer, yard or balcony with no device to distract.
- Schedule time when you have no schedule – for yourself, for your child, for both you and your child. If anything comes up at that time, keep it in the parking lot or the it can wait section.
- Create intentional quiet – for a short time perhaps early morning before you buzz off to work and your child sets off to school or before bed time or during bath time even (make the bath time longer on certain days to just be in the tub/pool together). It makes for a very soothing, emotional, calm time for just being together and sharing the moment with your child of varying ages.
- Question everything
This is my personal favourite. Ask why and not what. Question even when you have no answers as it leaves the possibilities open for various kinds of perspectives. Not clear black and white answers. What is the right thing to do at this point in time? replace it with Why is it the right thing to do at this point in time – and you get yourself/your child to do deeper thinking. What is the best way to achieve this goal? replace it with Why is it the best way to achieve this goal? – get what I mean? Just responding to a thought in your own mind or to what your spouse, your extended family, your neighbour, your child’s class teacher – as – can you please share with me why do you think so – will elicit answers that may not be what your assumption is. Same with your child. If the child can answer because… and so that…therefore… it is metacognition. It is critical thinking. It is problem solving while making thinking visible. It is a 21st century skill!
So, when I asked myself as to Why do I think these 3 are the Aces, my top 3? Perhaps because I think they are not about any one particular parenting style or a formula. They are about Parenting Values, thus timeless and borderless.
Shared as pictures are my mother with my son and my mother with me, crossing generations.
Why do you think this matters?
Please Share with your thoughts here for all of us to read and question J
Nivedita Mukerjee 